I walked into the bathroom en suite and walked up to the bathroom sink. I ran my hands under the cold water and I brought my hands up to my face to wash my cuts. The cold water stung my face and I gasped in pain. I pulled the towel off the hanger and patted my face dry.
YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD BE BEST TO TAKE THE CHILD AWAY FROM HIS MOTHER…
I could still hear Monica’s disgusted voice as she yelled at me. I could still feel the pain of her words.
Ever since I found out I was pregnant everyone had been reassuring me that everything was fine. Juan, Cris, Alvaro had all soothed the scar left behind by guilt and it was as if they had placed a band aid over my sore. And now that Monica had gone and ripped it off again; I felt the pain all over again.
I threw the towel on the sink and walked back out of the bathroom and into my bedroom. I knew if I left my bedroom Alvaro would bombard me with questions about what had happened at Monica’s place. The only reason I didn’t want to tell him about it was because I knew he would try to fix it with words or actions. And I didn’t want any of that, because the pain caused by Monica’s words was deserved. And I deserved to be hurt by it.
I sighed and turned the bedroom doorknob, I took a deep breath and walked out into the living/kitchen area. I looked around the room, where – where had he gone?
“Alvaro,” I called out softly; my voice echoing in the empty room. I walked up to living room, “Alvaro!” I almost screamed.
I pulled my mobile out of my pocket and dialled his number with shaky hands, I heard a buzzing coming from the kitchen and I walked up to the bench and right next to a untouched sandwich was Alvaro’s phone buzzing and lighting up. Shit!
I groaned loudly and turned around looking back at the distance I had done. I had almost reached the end of Sammy’s street. It was further than it seemed when sprinted; it was a busy street and people pushed passed in a hurry. I pulled at my sweaty t-shirt and sighed.
I usually did this when I had something important to plan or think about; I’d go for a sprint for about 2km; this time it was a bit longer than that but it gave me more time to think.
My plan was incomplete but I had already thought of two main obstacles: Sammy wouldn’t agree for starters and secondly I would sound like a dumbass explaining it to her.
I turned around and began to walk back to Sammy’s house. I needed to think of how to explain it to her without her completely disregarding the idea because of how silly it sounded.
I didn’t mean to make him mad when I moved away from him, but I just wanted some alone time. I hope he didn’t take that to heart.
I bit my lip as I sat on the bar stool in the kitchen, I twirled back and forth and my leg shook up and down, as it usually did when I was nervous. I was doing so many things simultaneously and thinking so hard, that I didn’t notice the door opening and Alvaro entering until he came from behind and placed his arms on my hips, “Lo siento,” he breathed as he placed his lips on my shoulder.
“Lo Siento,” I whispered at the same time.
I felt him smile against my shoulder, he turned me around to face him and he placed to hands on my face. His fingers ran over my cuts and I winced a little in pain, he looked me straight in the eyes, “What happened? The…the cuts?”
I shut my eyes, “I don’t want to talk about it.”
His hands fell off my face and he sighed, “Sammy,” he had an edge in his voice, “Please, just tell me, please?”
I sighed and shook my head. Alvaro groaned and covered his face with his hands, “I have to tell you something,” he said as he removed his hands from his face.
I searched his face for a sign, anything to tell me what was coming next. I had no idea what he could possibly want to say, “Um, alright.”
“I want you to come to Spain with me; you’re coming home.”
My jaw dropped and I stared at him in utter shock, “What?!”
“I want you to come back to Spain with me.”
“Yeah,” I began, “No, not happening!” I shook my head. A smile was playing on my lips because of how ridiculous Alvaro’s suggestion was. He couldn’t possibly be serious, could he?
“I’m being serious Sammy,” He said. The seriousness in his voice was clear but I couldn’t believe he was saying something so ridiculous.
“It’s so ridiculous Alvaro, if I go to Spain and Irina sees me pregnant what will I say, that it’s yours? The timing of when we started dating doesn’t match up with the pregnancy. And what happens when I just so happen to give birth at the same time as a baby appears on Cris’s doorstep.” Alvaro sat on the barstool next to me and I turned to face him, “Irina isn’t an idiot, she’ll figure it out.”
The creases on Alvaro’s forehead deepened and he let out a huff, “But you – you’re suffering, I can see it, and I can’t stand it.”
Fuck! I went blank, all the points and convincing arguments I had planned to say had flown out of my head. Sammy had blocked me with her last comment and I didn’t know what to say. I clearly hadn’t thought this through, “But you – you’re suffering, I can see it, and I can’t stand it.” I blurted.
What the hell was that? I thought instantly, I wasn’t going to go very far into this conversation at this rate. Sammy was just going to block me again if I couldn’t come up with a solid argument.
I never really was debating team material at school, clearly.
I thought I was actually coping with everything quite well, so I was stunned to hear that I wasn’t actually handling it as well as I had thought. “But I’m not suffering.”
“Oh yeah, then why did you come home in such a wreck today?”
I knew Alvaro would try to weasel this out of me at some stage, “I – I told Monica everything and then she reacted, she was really upset and she said some really hurtful stuff to me.”
“You told her everything?” Alvaro said questioningly.
“Everyth-“ I stopped mid-word, “Shit!” I muttered.
“What is it?” I could hear the concern in Alvaro’s voice.
“Monica knows everything! Monica was furious when I told her! She could, go tell the press or…” I covered my face in my hands. How could I have been so stupid? I hit my head continuously while cursing under my breath.
“I’m sure Monica won’t tell anyone,” Alvaro tried to reassure me but I could tell that he too, was unsure about whether Monica would.
“You weren’t there, you had to see her reaction! She threw a vase and she called me a slut. I had never felt so worthless and low in my life!” I cried into my hands.
Alvaro wrapped me in his arms, “Don’t say that. You aren’t worthless!”
I pulled out of Alvaro’s arms frantically, “I’m calling her. I’ll beg her if I have to.” I picked up my phone from the counter and found Monica’s number. It rang and rang until it reached her voicemail. So I tried again.
“She probably isn’t picking up because your number is showing up,” Alvaro said stating the obvious, “Take my phone and call; my number isn’t saved on her phone.”
I took Alvaro’s phone from him and dialled Monica’s number the phone rang three, three excruciating times, before she picked up. I let out a breath, “Monica,” I began. I heard her huff on the other end, “I know I’m probably the last person you want to talk to right now-“ I began.
“You got that right,” she muttered bitterly. Ouch!
I ignored her comment and continued, “But I really hope I can still trust you enough to know that you won’t tell anyone anything I told you.”
“Well-“ Monica began feistily before pausing, “fine. But, you won’t tell anyone about, well, you know, my baby?”
“Not a soul.” I promised.
“Well then, neither will I.”
There was an awkward pause on the phone, “Well then, thanks.” I sighed, “I’ll leave you to it now, bye.”
“Wait,” Monica began, “I’m sorry. I really am, my reaction was – well, I just wanted to say sorry.”
“Um, it’s okay.”
“Bye.” Monica said awkwardly.
I hung up and looked down at the phone in my hands. Maybe Monica and I couldn’t be friends like we used to be; but we had ended it on a pleasant note. A peace offering, a truce, either way I felt a weight lift off my shoulders and I felt relief rush through me.
“She’s not going to tell?” Alvaro interrupted my train of thought.
I smiled weakly, “No.”
“Well now we can continue our conversation-“ he began again.
“No, there isn’t Alvaro,” I cut him off, “it’s not going to work. It’s too risky. Plus, Cristiano would never agree and I’m not going against his wishes.”
It was as if I had sent a trigger off because Alvaro’s expression darkened and his jaw tightened, “Why do you care if he agrees or not?” He spat.
“Well, if we get caught out, it’s his reputation and relationship with his wife on the line, are you forgetting that?”
“Well why didn’t he think of that when he was fucking you? Don’t you think it’s a bit late for him to worry about his wife?”
I furrowed my eyebrows and looked at Alvaro in disgust, “How nice of you to put it that way Alvaro, ‘fucking you’!”
“Well that’s what happened wasn’t it? He fucked you and he didn’t, not once, think of his wife, so why should you put his relationship into consideration if he didn’t!”
“Because Irina is my friend too; my best friend!” I almost screamed back.
“Either way, Cris has no say in your life, you may be carrying his baby but he doesn’t control what you do and how you do it!” Alvaro was getting madder by the second, I wanted to end this argument before someone said something they were going to regret.
“He does have a say when it comes to choices about the baby.” I replied back as calmly as I could, which still wasn’t very calm.
“You always try so hard to please him, to make things better for him, when he clearly doesn’t give a damn about what you do. He sits there in Madrid with his wife who knows nothing about the whole situation, he acts like everything is normal, constantly bragging about his love for her and you – you are here, carrying the burden of a mistake, carrying the responsibilities, doing this on your own because he can’t be man enough to admit to his wife his mistake.” He spoke with such passion, such anger, he moved his hands around struggling to find words to continue, “Every time I see them together I suffer do you want to know why? Because every time he touched her, I imagine him touching you, every time someone says they look perfect together I have the urge to tell them that it’s not as perfect as it seems. I feel that way because I love you.
He just said he loved me, and with all the speech that was leading up to it, it made my heart melt. This was too much for me to process.
“So, if you decide to stay here because it’s best for Cris, then I’ll know that you obviously don’t love me back.” Alvaro finished crossing his arms over his chest.
Oh hell no, Alvaro was not going to pull out the “You don’t love me” card. He knows I love him and he knows that his idea is impossible but what are we five? “You don’t love me.”
I was even more pissed because the whole introduction, the lovely things he said, was that just to lure me in? Ugh, “Alvaro,” I began with an edge to my voice, “Don’t be so immature!”
“What?” He gasped, “I’m being immature, you’re the one that is so infatuated by the greatness, the hotness, the amazingness that is Cristiano Ronaldo to realise that he doesn’t even care how you really feel!”
“I can’t fucking believe you Alvaro! Is it impossible to be friends with a guy like Cris and NOT find him attractive or look at him in that way? How immature Alvaro…”
“Well, you’ve known him for how long…it’s possible…” He shrugged.
I huffed, “We are not continuing this conversation, not now, not ever. We both need to cool down because we are both saying things we are really going to regret. And I am not moving to Spain full stop!” I said walking off into the lounge room and turning on the television.
Boy did I fuck up! I went too far, I am such an idiot! I was mad more at myself than at Sammy, I wanted to apologise but what can I say, “Sorry for accussing you of all the things I did, I didn’t mean them…?”
Now that they were spoken they were stuck there forever. Even if I apologised a billion times she would still have those words in her mind. I couldn’t erase what I had said. I wish I could.
I walked to the lounge room but midway I stopped, Sammy turned away from the television and glanced in my direction before turning back to the cooking program she was watching. I took a deep breath and shut my eyes to make sure I’m completely calm before I make another mistake.
I opened my eyes and I noticed Sammy was looking at me, she got up and walked towards me. She searched my face, “I know what you’re going to say so I’m going to save you the hassle of trying to put the words together, because you’re not the best with words,” She said looking straight into my eyes, “I forgive you,” she smiled weakly, “And I’m sorry too.”
I wasn’t ever one to jump into a relationship, I thought as I smiled at Sammy, but I really had found a great girl, Sammy was wonderful and so light and breezy. I really did mean what I had said before, well only one part of it, the part about loving her. Boy was I in love!